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It is no surprise that FOX’s “New Girl” has become such a hit on television. With its fun storyline, quirky one-liners, and handsome young cast, it has infiltrated the hearts of many—and no one seems to be complaining! Jess, Winston and Nick are all amazing gems, but we have to give the funny bone award to Schmidt (if there were such a thing, of course). He gets us silent giggling, which ultimately means he takes our breath away. So, in honor of all the glory that is laughter, here are the 23 best Schmidt-isms of 2012 (Although, we don’t believe any of them will top September 2011’s “You’ve got some Schmidt on your face”. Even our dads quote that one.).


“Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!” – Season 1, Episode 10

“Damn it! I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!” – Season 1, Episode 10

“Coincidentally, I’m wearing my lap dance pants!” – Season 1, Episode 10

“Can someone please get my towel? It’s in my room next to my Irish walking cape!” – Season 1, Episode 11

“What if I ate my own hair and pooped out a wig?” – Season 1, Episode 12

“This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!” – Season 1, Episode 13

“You know where that puts you in six months? Watching It’s Complicated on DVD while you cradle your newborn baby to sleep. And guess what! It’s not complicated. It’s about a bunch of rich white people who are remodeling their kitchen.” – Season 1, Episode 13

“‘Outliers’ — you should read it. Malcolm Gladwell. It’s one of my desert island books, along with Machiavelli’s ‘The Prince,’ ‘Freak’ by John Leguizamo, any of the scripts from the first season of ‘Vampire Diaries,’ a little ‘Phantom Tollbooth…’” – Season 1, Episode 13

“I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.” – Season 1, Episode 14

“I’m gonna have to run all the way home, and I have my slipperiest loafers on!” – Season 1, Episode 16

“You’re listening to the radio and writing with a pen? What decade are we in?” – Season 1, Episode 20

“Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called ‘the slippery germ brick’?” – Season 1, Episode 20

“An Indian-Jewish baby? Who wouldn’t want that? Think about the bone structure!” – Season 1, Episode 21

“Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.” – Season 1, Episode 23

“Backsliding is what happens after a clean break. When you freak out and you go crawling back and you make everything messy and horrible.” – Season 1, Episode 23

“Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, ‘Look at that guy. He couldn’t even get a big cat.’” – Season 2, Episode 1

“Winston, your sister got so hot! I’m gonna have to Shaq attack her! May I have your blessing? Because I’m gonna be like dribbling up the court, illegal sexual foul – boom! Illegal use of hands – boom!” –Season 2, Episode 2

“Winston, you’ve been staring at this girl for 5 minutes. Please tell me you’re checking her out, otherwise you’re a serial killer. Which would explain a lot.” – Season 2, Episode 3

“If you track my trajectory I’m gonna live to be 123 years old. Hello, Robot Sex.” – Season 2, Episode 4

“Without sex, she’s not your girlfriend. She’s a friend you buy meals for.” – Season 2, Episode 6

“We sold our qualms. We used the profits to by perfect bodies.” – Season 2, Episode 7

“There’s a fine line between sexual harassment and something awesome.” – Season 2, Episode 7

“You are a gynecologist and a lesbian. This makes you a vagenius.” – Season 2, Episode 9

“I can’t believe I have to have feelings to have good sex. I thought I’d be dead before that happened.” – Season 2, Episode 9

“I don’t celebrate Christmas. Or, as I like to call it, ‘White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night’.” – Season 2, Episode 11


SO Note: Meredith Schneider is a Contributing Editor and pop culture diva. Follow her @MerelyGrace.