Toys: The Weird, The Horrible and The Awesome

Toys: The Weird, The Horrible and The Awesome

Black Friday is just one week away. Actually, thanks to corporate greed, Black Friday is now six days away, as many retail stores are starting Black Friday ON Thanksgiving Day - BOO!

Anyway, to inspire your holiday gift list we’ve got the weird, the horrible and the awesome must have (or not) toys of the season.

Playmobil: Security Check Point

Playmobil: Security Check Point

Now your kids can make life miserable for others too! Because you know, the security screening line at the airport is so much fun. This “collectors item” is only $159.95 on Amazon. *Harassment, groping, and secret nudity not included.

Harry Potter vibrating broom

Harry Potter Vibrating Broom

Totally inappropriate… unless you’re over the age of 18.

Girls v Guys

Girls vs. Guys Ultimate Battle

Really, still? Sigh.


Battle Babies

Ok, this one is kind of awesome. Confusing, but awesome.

Cleaning Trolley

My Cleaning Trolley

We might as well teach our children the skills they’ll need when they drop out of high school.

My Little Pole Dancer

My Little Pole Dancer

Better yet, let’s teach them a skill they can REALLY use.

Playmobil: Hazardous Materials Team

Hazardous Materials Team

Playmobil: Making toxic waste fun again! Coming soon, “Deep Water Horizon Oil Spill Team” and “Deep Water Horizon Oil Spill Law Firm,” complete with lobbying team and real working shredder. *Morals not included.

The GR8 TaT2 Maker

The GR8 TaT2 Maker

Luckily, your child’s first tattoo kit comes with a needle cleaner and a Japanese translator to tell them what the tramp stamp REALLY says.



No. No. No. Come on, you technology addicted, lazy F*CKS. No!

Shape Shifter

The Shape Shifter

The only thing getting punished with this toy is your child’s innocence.

Pregnant Baby?

Baby’s First Baby

Wait, what?!

Shave The Baby

Shave The Baby

Yay! Now you can shave your baby just like mommy!

GoldieBlox - Rube Goldberg, & Beastie Boys “Princess Machine” (a concert for little girls)

YouTube Preview Image

And this one is truly awesome! “A toy company out to show the world that girls deserve more choices than dolls and princesses. We believe that femininity is strong and girls will build the future — literally.”


SO Note: Find GoldieBox toys at Vote for their commercial to be featured during The Super Bowl HERE! Find the rest of the toys by your damn self, you weirdos. Share your favorite weird, horrible and awesome toys with us @Serial_Optimist!

Monique Madrid

Monique Madrid

West Coast Editor at Serial Optimist
Monique Madrid is a Los Angeles via Chicago comedian, writer and actor. Check out more about her and where you can catch her performing on Also follow her on Twitter @moniquemadrid.
Monique Madrid
Monique Madrid

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