Best Valentine’s Day Gifts But Not Really

It’s that time of year again; time for men and women in relationships to buck up and appreciate their other half for an entire day. Butter them up. Give them flowers, leave little sticky notes all over the house that don’t nag them to do chores, and make them food that might just taste better if they’re drinking—or drugged. Maybe it’s because I’m always single that I don’t really like this holiday, but this year I have decided to buck up as well. Why leave all the fun to the couples? So, in honor of VD (Valentine’s Day, not Venereal Diseases), I now present you with a short—but sweet—list of awesome gifts to give that special someone. Because you probably forgot. And I might just be saving your relationship.

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1. Ant Farm - Because you want to give them something they might actually be able to take care of.

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2. Waxing Kit - For their back hair.

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3. Rubber Band Ball - Because these are awesome, and who wouldn’t want one?

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4. Flask - To make dealing with your crazy friends a bit easier.

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5. Stapler - Have you ever seen Office Space? Everyone loves a good stapler. Bedazzle it to add some charm (and make it cheesy so none of their coworkers want to steal it).

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6. A Fancy Tea Kettle - This will just make them want to boil you some hot tea when you’re sick or you’ve had a bad day. Right?

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7. That Pair of Shoes They’ve Been Eyeing - Just don’t get them a pair of pumps out of nowhere. That’s sexist. And potentially detrimental if you buy them for a guy.

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And guys… if all else fails, give her your watch or an item of your clothing. Spray it with your cologne (not Axe) and pretend you planned it. She will swoon.

And everyone wonders why I’m still single.

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SO Note: What do you think is the best Valentine’s Day gift? Let us know @Serial_Optimist or send your ideas and photos to meredith@serialoptimist.com.

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